WHAT WOULD JESUS TWEET?

Can’t believe it. Another leper is following me.

All I’ve got is some bread and a few fish. Hope these people aren’t hungry.

Just drove some moneychangers from the Temple. Why can’t they lease a storefront?

The host at a banquet wants me to turn water into wine. What a cheapskate. I suppose next he’ll want me to turn donkey dung into baclava.

These sandals are killing my feet. Think I’ll walk on water and cool them off.

Anybody up for a toga party?

Haven’t found one decent taco joint in all of Galilee.

Heard a story about this guy Methusala who supposedly lived to be 900 years old…right. And my mother is a virgin LOL.

I think the Romans are getting a bad rap. Pontius Pilate doesn’t seem like such a bad dude.

DID YOU EVER GOOGLE YOURSELF?

Did you ever Google yourself?

Maybe in those private moments

in the solitary dimness of your room,

in the blank early morning hours

creviced between night and day,

or late in the evening, alone,

laptop aglow like an ancient oracle

privy to secrets and all forbidden knowledge

Your fingers swarming the keyboard

like warrior ants--searching, prodding,

excitedly investigating those most private parts

of your being, burrowing their way

through cyberspace like a kinetic tapeworm,

digesting, disgorging, your eyes filled with bits

and bytes, salty to your eyes,

hot to your fingertips,

until you reach a peak and scream

Yahoo!